TLDR: Confidence is an inside job.

“Like you own the place.”

Back in the SEAL Teams, there was a phrase that used to pop up from time to time:

“Do [X] like you own the place.”

I guess it’s no surprise that Jocko and Leif Babin wrote a book called Extreme Ownership.

Another phrase came up a lot, too, half-joking about other guys we knew:

These things are related.

If you act like you own it, you’re going to be comfortable with everyone you come across.

More than that, you might actually care about those people and their wellbeing.

“He’s a legend”

I was talking with a fellow SEAL the other day.

We didn’t know each other well in the Teams, even though we overlapped by several years. So we were playing the name game.

He says to me, “Oh and Bob Underwood, that guy was such a legend.” [1]

I was thinking to myself, what would it feel like to know that you are a legend in your own time?

Well, you can.

7 steps for anyone to be a legend

1. Take your craft seriously.

2. Treat everyone you interact with well.

3. Have a healthy dose of humility. The most confident people are quite humble. These two things are not mutually exclusive. (Hat tip to Mike Hayes for clarifying this aspect of his book on our podcast episode together.)

4. Regard others as equals. If you are awe-inspired and feel like an imposter all the time, people won’t respect you. And you won’t deliver your best talents, since you’ll second-guess yourself too much. One of my mantras is “no one better, no one worse.”

5. Don’t think about being a legend. Focus on growth, not how you look. If you worry about how you appear today, you won’t take risks that could help you learn. The most impressive people weren’t afraid to fail. You don’t get successful and then take risks once you’ve “made it.” That’s backward.

6. Learn to love yourself. Yep, sounds woo and namby pamby. But if you are lacking self-worth, you will only be faking it. No amount of “making it” will magically help you authentically own a room. You’ll be a fraud, and the biggest critic will be, you guessed it, yourself.

7. Before you walk into a room, think “Am I here to give.” If that’s your mission, it’s a noble one. You can’t lose.
   

Conclusion: Leaders need confidence

And confidence is learnable

People follow those who are confident.

Sure, there are other factors. But the other dogs can smell weakness.

We all feel like imposters sometimes.

Former SEAL and Simon Sinek collaborator Rich Diviney and I talked about this on a podcast episode.

Post-Hell Week, you look around, and you are so impressed by everyone around you, that it is easy to shrink.

If Navy SEALs and your sports heroes feel imposter syndrome, then it’s not something to be afraid of… because it is not unique to the weak.

Imposter syndrome is just something to move past.

Don’t shrink, my friend.

Grow. 🌱

🌊 All the way wet

(aka the footnotes)

[1] Just the one quick footnote this week 🙂 

I used a fictitious name, perhaps obviously.

Coda

One of my favorite moments in animated movie history EVER:

Kelsey Grammar’s character utters the iconic “bossssss” line in Storks.

Hat tip to anyone who connected Andy Samberg appearing in this clip to the opening GIF in this post.

Shoot me your address, social security number, and bank account number so I can send you your $10,000 reward.

Outro

“Life doesn’t need a soundtrack. Life is a soundtrack.”
—Sri

This is the weirdest song I’ve heard in a month at least. And I love it.

Reminds me a lot of Sonic Youth. Am I crazy?

Thank you Spotify Discover Weekly gods. 🙏🏽 🎧

Cheers

Find me at thewarriorpoet.com and on LinkedIn.

Get unstuck, and crush it. Double period.