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How to fail better

People judge the unsuccessful too easily. Ironically, sometimes those judging are unsuccessful themselves.

For example, “they’re just lazy.” Not true. I know tons of smart people who work harder than tons of those building real wealth. 

Another generalization is along the lines of “they just have low standards.” 

That’s actually often not the case. In fact, I’d argue that many of those well educated people who find themselves still stuck don’t have standards that are too low. 

Exactly the opposite: Their standards are too high. 

In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, there’s a ‘cognitive distortion’ called all-or-nothing thinking. The issue is that a lot of us have goals that are incredibly high. So when we have the chance at an outcome short of our goal, we dismiss it. 

This applies to habits, too. When we slip, when tend to slip all the way. 

The average person who decides they’re going to work out more starts intensely. Let’s say that Rick barely walks all day and hasn’t been to the gym in years. One day he gets motivated and sets a target of 10,000 steps a day. 

Predictably, Rick will miss a day or two within a week or two. But we take for granted what the usual behavior is: When Rick misses, he misses horribly. Instead of doing 6000 steps a day—or 3000, he does close to zero. 

On these days, he’s concluded—consciously or not—that none of the endeavor is worth it. 

And missing so poorly is detrimental in multiple ways: 

❌ Reduces muscle-memory
❌ Disrupts cementing of a new identity 
❌ Creates shame

The Solution

But according to habits expert and New York Times author Charles Duhigg, there’s a simple solution that helps us succeed even when we “fail.” 

The trick is to establish a protocol that kicks in when we slip—not if. 

Examples: 

• “When I can’t do 10,000 steps, I’ll walk around the block 5 times.” 

• “If I’m hangry and feel like McDonald’s, I’ll go to Chipotle instead (easy on the fats and carbs).”

• “When I’m stressed and need to unplug, I’ll watch something light and formulaic vs. something I’ll want to binge.” 

Bonus: It helps if you say your script out loud. Your brain processes things differently when you hear it, especially your own voice. (Vygotsky, 1934)

I call this practice “Fall back—not down.” 

If you start to fall back to secondary plans and okay outcomes, you’ll start looking like that guy who follows through: 

✅ More “Done is better than perfect” 
✅ Believing “I’m a guy who shows up.” 
✅ Lots of 80/20 

What important habit in your life can you develop a fallback plan for? 

 ❤️ Andrew

Outro

“Falling Down a Well” by Jack J

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