Summer of 2003: Airborne School, Fort Benning, Georgia

Anyone who tells you they weren’t scared on their first parachute jump is lying.

It’s terrifying.

No matter what you do to act cool, the prehistoric part of the human brain kicks into overdrive. It doesn’t care if you have a mission and orders to follow. It doesn’t care if you have an instructor attached to you. Or that in this moment there is a “static line” between the plane and your gear that will pull your chute out for you so that the risk is infinitesimal.

Fear isn’t rational.

It’s primal.

Fall of 2006, Zero Dark Thirty: Skies over Key West Florida

Most of us are asleep.

Planes do that to you. For me, helicopters are worse — or better, depending on how you look at it.

At some point chatter picks up, and every man senses on his own that it’s time to wake up.

We check our gear one last time.

We line up and face the back of the massive C5 cargo plane.

I feel a gentle breeze from nowhere behind me as the aircraft tech lowers the ramp.

A million lights like fireflies outline the islands below.

30 seconds out, and we’re all looking at the same thing:

A small, red light by the ramp.

Heartrates pick up — but not bad. This is fun.

It turns green, and within seconds our boats slide out the back.

We run behind them and dump ourselves into the humid, empty night.

Fear is Flexible

Okay, I’ve never really broadcast this in any public forum. But I will now.

Some of you aren’t going to believe me.

Here it is: I wasn’t scared in combat.

A little anxious at times? Sure. Amped? Depending on the situation, yeah. But despite some really hairy situations, I wasn’t fearful or terrified.

Yet, there are plenty of points in my life where I’ve been scared besides that.

So, what is the difference between the times we’re scared and the times we maintain our composure?

1. Experience: After several parachute jumps, you get used to it. It starts to become fun. Every now and then, you might be sitting on the plane and have a chill run down your spine and frantically check your gear again and review the plan. But for the most part, you can relax and enjoy the ride.
   
   I’m doing lots of marketing now on LinkedIn that I’ve never done before. This includes sales, the ultimate rejection game (besides dating). After a couple weeks of cold outreach to prospects, it feels a TON more natural. I have near-zero resistance now.
   
   This is the idea behind Jia Jiang’s experiments with rejection. Watch his TED Talk if you haven’t already (below).
   

2. Responsibility: When a family is in danger, parents don’t have the luxury of being afraid. They need to reassure their kids and ultimately act.
   
   As a leader in combat, knowing that you are responsible compels action. You need to set the example, and mission success won’t happen by itself.
   

3. Peer pressure: There’s a reason that going to the gym at 5am with a friend is a lot easier than going by yourself.
   

4. Visualization: Research shows that imagining worst-case scenarios enables people to more effectively manage fear and anxiety in those situations.
   

5. Reactivity: Mindfulness lowers your baseline emotional state. It also shrinks what I call the amplitude of your response to stimuli (especially negative ones). Meditation, journaling, and walking in nature (without screens or sound) are a few tried and true ways to increase mindfulness.
   

6. Outlook: If you generally think things will work out okay, you’ll be less likely to feel fear. Susan Jeffers’ recommended mantra of “I’ll be okay” and my own of “See what happens!” actually work in altering short-term outlook.
   

7. Genetics: You inherit anywhere between roughly 25% to 50% of your brain activity related to fear. (Although I don’t have data to prove it yet, I’m optimistic that this is just a starting point and that learning can win out.)
   

8. Self-Worth: If you derive your worth from what others think of you, then you’ll be terrified of failure and “looking dumb” or unattractive.
   

9. Type of Stimulus: Jane might be terrified of giving a presentation at work but has no issue asking guys for their number. John might race cars on the weekend but spend his nights worrying about natural disasters.

Truth be told, I don’t know which of these made me relatively unafraid out there. I’m sure it was a mix. If you think I missed something, reply to this email.

PS. I wasn’t alone in this mindset out there :)

Moving Past Fear

Educate yourself

There are a number of great resources on this. I’ll start with books you can (should) read:

• Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

• Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers

• The 5-Second Rule by Mel Robbins (and her other resources)

• How to Be an Imperfectionist by Stephen Guise

Take action

You are unique, and there is likely no silver bullet. But a mix of the following solutions is likely to work:

1. Commit to action. Say it out loud. Write it down over and over. Every day.
   
   My mantra to get out of bed is this:
   
   “The world rewards results.
   Action produces results.
   Action starts today.
   Today starts now.”
   
   And then I roll out of bed.
   
   Some people recommend setting an alarm three times a day to reinforce a mantra.
   
   

2. Keep things small. If you’re like most people, you’ll set huge goals and get really excited about them. This is a recipe for failure and misery.
   
   Just start something and consider that a win for the day.
   
   

3. Push the envelope. Watch Jia Jiang’s video (below) and check out the 100 Days Without Fear blog. Then commit to your own challenge. It could be as simple as saying “hi” to your barista before they do.
   
   

4. Track your predictions vs. reality. This is a key tool in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. If you think you’ll be miserable at a party, do this: Predict your misery on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst.
   
   Write that down along with the particular feelings you’ll have and what events will produce those. Then go for at least 30 minutes.
   
   Afterward, write down how miserable you actually were, feelings you felt, and what happened. Compare.

Move past your fear

What do Barack Obama, Serena Williams, and Jeff Bezos all have in common?

They all sought coaching.

If you’re looking to unlock your own elite potential — and that of your organization, give me a shout.

Or if you need a thought partner (not to mention accountability), then grab some time with me for a free 15-minute exploratory chat.

No sales pitch.

No risk. All reward.

Coda

Outro 

“Life doesn’t need a soundtrack. Life is a soundtrack.”
—Sri

One Last Thing by Mac Miller has been in my head this last week.

Does it give you chills, too?

Cheers

Find me at thewarriorpoet.com and on LinkedIn.

Free exploratory coaching call: book here.

Get unstuck, and crush it. Double period.