Talking dirty

This week’s post may trigger some of your corporate email filters. But I’d be doing you a disservice if we didn’t keep it real. 

The topic: mental masturbation 

The cheapest trick

When we have an idea or a new goal, we’re the ones who get in the way. 

❌ Not competitors
❌ Not the market
❌ Not technology

A common pattern at inception – i.e. where most good ideas die – is when we float an idea past a friend. 

Everyone knows “Talk is cheap.” So, why do we still do it? 

Because we have one or more of these motivations: 

1. Validation: Get our path validated. 🖐
2. Showing off: Impress them with our brilliance. 🧠
3. Seeking a boost: Get a pep talk. 📢
4. Sobering up: Get talked off the ledge. 😨
5. Dreaming the life: Enjoy a facsimile of success – without the work. 🙌
6. Learning: …so we can ship it better, faster, stronger. 🏋️‍♀️

I hope some of you are literally lol’ing right now. I sure am.

Cause #6 is less likely for most of us than Earth suddenly losing its gravitational field. 

Most items in the list above amount to little games we play with ourselves – with predictable results. 

For me the worst one is #5. 

How to actually do stuff

Let’s go through how to solve each of the problems above one-by-one. 

1. Validation

If this helps, go for it. But chances are that you’ll be on a validation treadmill forever. 

➟ Fix it: Remember that you’re doing this for you – not them. Their opinion doesn’t matter in the end. 

2. Showing off

You have low self-worth, and you’re trying to boost it with death-defying mental feats 🙄

➟ Fix it: Work on unwinding your need to be seen as smart. This is especially challenging for, wait for it, smart people. 

3. Seeking a boost

You’re looking for them to give you motivation you know you lack. Good for you for having some self awareness (seriously). 

But here’s the harsh truth: The hours and days after you have the idea are the easiest and most exciting part of the journey. Meanwhile, the person you decide to share your idea with won’t be there every step of the journey, unless they’re your spouse. (PS. Motivating you week to week isn’t their job.) 

➟ Fix it: Having fellow travelers is not just okay, I recommend it. But if you lack motivation, do some serious reflection on why that is. (Tip: Sometimes anxiety and overwhelm seem like lack of motivation.)

4. Sobering up

You’re scared – yet there’s a fire kindling inside of you that whispers, “Do it.” 

➟ Fix it: Hang around only those who take the kinds of chances you want to take. Like Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the 5 people around you.” 

5. Dreaming the life  

…as opposed to “living the dream.” You’re stealing lasting happiness from your future self by indulging in sugar-laced daydreams today. It’s like getting high on your own supply. You also might get so wedded to the excitement that you fear disconfirming evidence (not wise). 

➟ Fix it: Build the habit of building. Shipping things is a muscle. You may not ship anything great for a while, and that’s okay. It might take years, but eventually shipping fast and learning will become second nature.  

6. Genuine learning

Unlike the others, this is a behavior of the very best performers. Think Roger Federer or Michael Phelps – not taking things so personally, just seeking feedback feedback feedback. 

• Practice, play, result, adjust. 

• Rinse, repeat. 

In my experience, women are much better at seeking feedback than men — especially in recruiting mentors.

Speaking as a guy, dignity and standing are so important to us. Many of us block ourselves from seeking help on our journey (to include coaching, hint hint 😉). 

➟ Fix it: Approach every conversation with genuine curiosity – vs. a contest. Ask phenomenal questions. Then listen. 

🧰 6 Ways to Talk Less and Do More (Recap)

Sharing isn’t always caring. Evolving an idea with someone you care about – and who is equally passionate – is one of life’s greatest joys. But you risk becoming codependent friends and enabling each other’s fantasies over action. 

The solutions to put into play are as follows: 

1. Trust your judgment.

2. Stop trying to look smart. 

3. Don’t borrow motivation.

4. Obey the whisper: “Do it.” 

5. Build. Ship. Repeat.

6. Share ideas only if they sharpen the work. 

Or… remain Peter Pan

Maybe you want someone to blame — like a child. You want a scapegoat if the risky idea goes south. Or — you might want someone to rationalize the safe path for you. 

So you find the smartest, most accomplished professional you find. He went to the big school, made a lot of money, and your parents respect him. 

When he says, “Oh no, the worst thing you can do is buy a bunch of dry cleaners. The sure play is to go to a solid accounting school and work for a big accounting firm like I did. See this watch? See that boat? See that model of a wife? See those snot-nosed kids who will also become accountants like me?”

…you almost believe him. 

Then run.

For fucks sake, run. 

❤️ Andrew

🔖 Coda

I love this clip so much. Chris Williams on things that are not doing the thing:

mindsetraptors

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Performance gurus quote Jim Rohn all the time for a reason. He was a pioneer of personal development (aka self help) when it was stigmatized. And his lessons are powerful. 

This video is queued up at one of the most powerful parts, but honestly the whole clip is worth watching in its entirety (3 minutes total). 

PS. If you like Jim Rohn, you should also check out Brian Tracy. Tracy popularized the “eat the frog” idea in his book of the same name, though the phrase and underlying idea are attributed to Mark Twain.

🎵 Outro 

I had no idea that Cheap Trick had one of the most memorable songs in the original Top Gun. Kind of a dumb name: “Mighty Wings.” And the song has a very kitchy, synthy 80s feel. But still. 

Anyway, this is a much better song than that lol: 

Cheap Trick — “Surrender"

Cheers

🧠 Let’s talk: Want to move your dreams forward — for real? Grab a free slot to meet with me, and let’s get you unstuck. 💥 🙌

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Get unstuck, and crush it. Double period. 🔱