The Subtle Art of Identity 

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck was born out of a Facebook post back when no one knew who Mark Manson was. 

Fewer of you know who Benjamin Hardy is, but his content on how to build a new identity is equally valuable. He used to come up in my feed on Medium all the time when I was writing there—and was a constant inspiration. 

In the stories he would tell as he shared his insights, he’d allude to all the awesome things he was going to do after he wrapped up his PhD. He’s accomplished most of those since then. 

The common thread between these two authors—and also James Clear—is that they all wrote before others recognized them as authors. 

Because they each saw themselves as an author. 

Throw Out the Playbook

If you want to do exceptional things in life, you need to BE the exception. 

That means not following the standard playbook. 

By definition, if there’s a playbook, it’s not rare. 

• And rare = exciting. 

• Rare = valuable. 

• Rare = sexy. 

❌ But here’s the problem. And this is where many of you (us) get stuck: How do you become this rare thing without a guide? 

From birth we’re programmed to follow the path society lays out. 

People ask us what we want to be. And the options are all things that have clear curricula and credentials: 

• Doctor

• Lawyer

• Teacher

• Fireman 

• Policeman

• Garbageman

Oh, and of course every little girl in the 2000s wanted to be a marine biologist. (Boys remained fixated on authority figures in loud moving vehicles.)

But let’s say you want to create a Netflix series. 

We can brainstorm all we want about how to get there. We’ll have lists and a multi-year path. 

But the fact is that that road is crazy ambiguous. Our natural instinct is to remain mired in imposter syndrome—potentially forever. Because there’s always going to be something else you can do to be more ready. 

I’m not saying you can walk in right now and pitch Seinfeld Returns, though I wish you would. But if you’re going to be a “TV” producer in 10 years, then you’d better be one… today. 

No one is going to tap you on each shoulder with a sword, then show you the secret door. I’m not a showbiz expert, but, from the outside, the common denominator of successful producers seems to be gumption.

Gumption sure paid off for me…

Son of a Beach

People ask Navy SEALs all the time how we made it. 

The long answer is for another post. But I’ll tell you my personal short answer:

My buddy Nat once used this word to describe me starting SEAL training for the intro to a speech I was giving: 

“scrawny” 

I.e. I wasn’t super physically gifted outside of running. 

To be clear:

✅ I was great at a couple things in BUD/S.
🟡 I was good or average at some. 
❌ And I sucked at several. 

The training is abysmal, and of course the instructors hate you for the things you suck at (or at least express it that way). 

So, what was the difference between me and all the guys who quit—many of whom were bigger, stronger, and faster than me? 🤔

➟ I was already a SEAL the first day I set foot on the beach in Coronado. 

The instructors just didn’t know it yet. 

Fall Asleep on the Job

Ultimately you need to be the thing you want to be before anyone else would recognize you as that. 

That’s what people mean by the old advice “Act as if.” 

But that phrase feels like an inducement to lie. To be a fraud. 

It’s hollow.

There’s a more powerful way to frame it—both gentle and magical. An ancient, unattributed quote goes: 

Let’s play pretend. 

 ❤️ Andrew

Outro

Change (in the House of Flies) by the Deftones

Cheers

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